


Memory of What Was

by marquisobscurite



Series: To Let Go [3]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: BadPearlAU, Depression, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Smoking, The feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-11-20 02:22:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11326662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marquisobscurite/pseuds/marquisobscurite
Summary: Pearl was still settling off their fight, but it seems that the youngest group of the crystal gems, still wants a family.Part 3 of the To Let Go Series





	Memory of What Was

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: First I would like to thank fellow author Pinheadh78, for helping me polish this chapter. Also I would like to recommend anyone reading this to go read his magnificent story “Pearl in WWII”, it has great pacing, the story is very well written, and finally for history buff like me, it provides historical snippet. Well on with the tale.....

Memory of What Was

“ _ Sometimes you have to learn to let go of person you love, and just hold on to the Memory of what was” -Mark Amend _

“Show me Steven, again”

“......”

“Show me Steven....please”

“........”

“Show me Steven.... I’m begging you”

“Hey Pearl, Look! My fingers are Cats!.....Meow. Hahaha see aren’t they cute?"  

Pearl simply smiled as the mirror finally complied with her wishes. She was, for the first in a long time, happy. Perhaps it was being able hear and see her precious little “baby”, or perhaps this mirror is giving her what she asked for as a brief relief from the reality: that Steven will never be found.

“Alright Find me Steven when he was a-”

Before she had a chance to finish her sentence, the Crystal gate opened suddenly, quickly hid the mirror in her gem not wanting the new arrival to see it. She turned around to see who was entering, her eyes were met with the familiar form of Amethyst standing on the warp-pad staring back at her. Neither one willing to break eye contact or daring to break the silence for fear of breaking an illusion. They stayed this way until almost an hour had passed until one of them decided to break the silence.

“So P, are we to just keep awkwardly staring at each or are we going to do something?” Amethyst said.

Pearl responded 

“Yeah, sorry about that.... So....”

“So?”

“Umm.... how are you Amethyst?” 

“Fine and you?”

“Oh fine... Fine.”

“.....”

The silence had returned once more, as the pair continued to stare at each other. Neither again wanting to speak. 

“Amethyst”

“Yes?”

“You want to hang out?”

“.....”

Amethyst paused, not expecting Pearl to ask her such a question, and for a moment she thought to say no, and yet part of her wanted to know what had happened to the the pale gem during her search of Steven.

“Hmmmm sure why not”

“Great!” Pearl’s voice boomed enthusiastically. And before Amythest could even react, she was dragged out towards Pearl’s motorcycle.

“Wooh Pearl, Slow down I’m not going anywhere,”

“I know, I know it’s just....” Pearl’s voice seemed to cut off, as though she silenced herself before mentioning something that hurt her..or perhaps reminds of her of the past.

Without a word both of them got on Pearl’s motorcycle and drove towards the Beach City’s boardwalk.

They saw many attractions on the boardwalk, mainly restaurants and the amusement park, trying to regain the connection of commadrie that was lost long ago. Though there was one thing that caught Amethyst's eye, it was the Mayor Dewey’s van. She could even hear the Van’s speakers repetitious motto. She looked at it with bemusement before looking back at Pearl.

“Hey Pearl in any of the places you went, did any of the people try to pull anything this outrageous”

Pearl looking at the same van before replying “For a matter fact yes, in fact some even tried something even more outlandish, it was a small truck with two large animatronics of different monsters on it, one a large Mantis, the other some kind of Lizard, both in some battle... though it was more for an upcoming movie and not something important such as re-election for an official in some local government”

“So.. you're telling me that mayor Dewey is the only..mayor to..”

“Place his head on an van to get re-elected and chant his name in a annoying melody of his name?  Then yes.” Pearl joked

“...”

There was a silent pause, before both of them laughed awkwardly.

“You wanna to go play Skee Ball, at the arcade, P?”

Pearl eyes widened upon hearing her old nickname, she could feel her mouth forming a smile, before nodding her head. And with that, both of them went to the arcade.

 

As they played the games together, both could feel their old friendship being rekindled.  Pearl could feel some of the stress that plagued her over the time she searched for Steven beginning to lift away. They continued to play the other attractions, until the arcade closed late in the evening.

“So remember when I was thrown at the  Red Eye repeatedly?” inquired Amethyst shyly.

“Yeah, what were we even thinking? That repeated minimal force would damage it, that's silly.” Pearl replied, while trying to take out a cigarette carton, with one hand picking up a single cigarette and guiding it towards her lips. Amethyst watched from afar, frowning at what was Pearl what was doing.

“Say P... I’ve been wondering when did you start smoking?”

“hmmm ... I don’t know... I think it happened around the couple days I’ve been at Empire City....”

“Wait you been to Empire City? What did you do over there... well you know besides looking for Steven”

“Huh, Amethyst I really don’t like to talk about it... can you please not push this any deeper.”

“Alright... I’ll stop P.”

“It’s fine Amethyst, it’s just there are some memories that I’d rather no-” but Pearl’s reply was cut short, as she felt a small tug on her arm.

“Excuse me... Miss, but can you spare some change for me?” a frail voice asked her. Her eyes widened as she saw the person who tugged at her; it was young sickly child wearing worn clothing, their face reminded her of the many children in the similar circumstances, the many she tried to help... the many she failed to save. 

“O-Of course... Here you go” she stammered as her hands quickly searched in each of her pockets trying to find any cash on her and give it to the frail child. And yet before the child left, she pulled the child into a hug.

“Listen... child if you need any help or need a place to stay, please come to the beach house at the outskirts of this city... it’s near the giant statue at the cliff.” She told the child as she let go. The child simply nodded and went on hisway. Getting up, Pearl simply lit her cigarette, before turning towards Amethyst, who was perplexed by the scene unfolding towards her

“Let’s go back home” Pearl whispered in a broken tone, as she began walking towards the motorcycle, her shoulder’s slumped and her eyes down as she tried to conceal a sudden wave of sadness.

Amethyst simply frowned.  “ _ What was That?!”  _  she wondered as she followed after her old friend.  A dozen other questions arose but she dared not give them voice for fear of Pearl reverting back to her previous state of avoiding them at all costs.

The ride back to their house was completely silent, neither of them daring to speak a single word. As they arrived at the beach house, Pearl simply walked towards the Crystal Gate, and opened the portal leading towards her room. Yet before she could enter her room, she felt Amethyst arms curling around her halting her mid stride.  She could feel Amethyst hugging her tightly as if Pearl would vanish again if she let go. 

“I know that look when you're upset... but P if there is anything bothering you please.... I’m here.”  Amethyst said trying comfort Pearl, her voice a mix of fear and sadness.

Seconds ticked by as Pearl struggled with what to say, part of her wanted to vent her sorrows while another, stronger voice, urged her to keep it inside, to simply bury the pain deeper. “There is nothing to talk about Amethyst, Nothing at all.” She said in a broken tone, before entering her room, but before the Gate closed she heard Amethyst call out to her in a last desperate attempt to get through to her friend. “What happened to you P?”

 

“............. A lot of things, a lot of things” She replied to no one as the door slid closed behind her.  Pearl took one last look at the door, before laying on the watery floor and staring at the ceiling. The memories of her travels and experiences of searching for Steven had filled her thoughts, most importantly her experience with the abandoned children out there in the town. She recalled some of the faces that haunted her, and of course the condition of living they were in, how could a society let those youth be abandoned, while others get to live in abundance? Didn’t they even care about their youths? Then again, she too abandoned most of them to look for Steven... Yes she helped some of them to find some place better than they were, but most of them that needed her... she failed or left behind. But she needed to find Steven...

Sighing She waved those thoughts away and reached within her gem for the Mirror. She took a moment to look upon her own reflection and the face of an emotionally exhausted woman staring back at her with eyes full of pain and sadness..

“Show Me Steven.” she commanded in a pained voice just barely above a whisper.

“.......”

“Show me Steven” she ordered more forcefully when the mirror didn’t respond.

“........”

“Come on you did it before” she growled in building frustration, her emotional walls starting to crack.

“..........”

“Please....Please......I beg of you I’ll give anything to see him again.” cried Pearl in defeat as the tears she’d been holding back began to fall as she crumpled to her knees as great heaving sobs wracked her body.

“............Anything” The Mirror repeated, as though questioning her on her plea.

The unexpected reply served to jerk her back to the present, her pain momentarily forgotten as she sat up and wiped away the tears with her jacket sleeve.

“Wha....”  She was awe-struck did this mirror really asked her this.... Was it sentient? No impossible, maybe it was broken, yes broken.

“Did-You-Said-Anything-If-So-Help-Me-And-I-WILL-Help-You” The Mirror said using various recordings of herself, Steven, Amethyst, and Garnet.

“w-what ....Are you sentient?”  gasped Pearl as she held the mirror at arms length as if it might bite her.

“Yes-I-Am-Sentient” replied the now surprisingly talkative mirror.

“Impossible, I need to show this to Garnet” Pearl said frantically as she stood up to walk towards the temple gate.

“NOOOOOOO! “ The Mirror screeched causing her to flinch and stop walking.

“Remember-what-She-Did!’ The mirror continued as it showed Pearl of the incident of the last confrontation of her and Garnet’s argument which resulted in her getting punched by Garnet’s gauntleted fist. All due to her being to focused on finding Steven.

“If- You- Tell- Her- She- Will- Demand- Why- Didn’t- You- Tell- Her- Sooner- Your- Response- Will- Get- Her- Angry.” The Mirror told her, she knew that the mirror was correct. That if she let garnet know about the Mirror, Garnet will be angry with her for not telling her sooner and Garnet’s anger was.... not wanted.

“Alright you got a point... What do you want me to do?’ asked Pearl with a bit of suspicion.

“Set-Me-Free-From-This-Prison-Please” The Mirror requested her.

“How do I do that?” She asked as her worries began to give way to curiosity.

“.......” The Mirror then showed her a visual guide of pulling the gem out of the mirror.

She bit her lower lip, she knew this was wrong she knew she should ignore the mirror and show it to Garnet, becau-

“Please-I-Need-Your-Help-You're-My-Only-Salvation-PLEASE-PEARL.” The Mirror  pleaded, though the differences were that the voices it used were of the children she helped... This Gem needed her, it needed her like the children she met... and did not help.

Without thinking she grasped the gemstone and began to pull with all her strength, desperately trying to pull the  free from its prison.

All around her an intricate woven pattern began to form in water of the rooms varied pools as she struggled, all the while the mirror creaked and cracked under the strain.  At last with her energy fading Pearl put all of her remaining strength into one final tug; the ancient mirror could take no more as it finally shattered into dozens of peaces. The gemstone imprisoned on its back was finally free at last. Immediately the deep blue colored gem with the shape of a teardrop floated free from her hands as the Gem within began to reform and reshape herself.

 

As the the gem began to take shape, she could see the gem’s chosen form, a female figure, the outfit was something similar to an old fashioned summer dress, and the girls skin a light blue like a clear ocean's surface. As the girls form finally took shape, her eyes begin to open as the Gem simply extend their hand out towards Pearl in a gesture of friendly greating common to humans.

“Hello, I’m Lapis.”


End file.
